Never Been This Close Before
by FlavorCrisps
Summary: Edvy / EdxEnvy  Envy has to make a decision. The Homunculi, or Ed?


**Dang, I write a oneshot to make up for the boring-ness of my first chapter for The Math Tutor (horrible name, I know) and I get this angsty little thing. O.O**

** Disclaimer: I don't own! (How many times do I have to say this?)**

** Warning: Yaoi (duh). Angst. Implied character death  
(it's just full of happiness and daisies, isn't it?)**

I shoot up in bed, breathing heavily. I run a hand through my long hair and look around the room, familiarizing myself with my surroundings. The form beside me shifts and then sits up.

"What's-" yawn "-the matter?"

"Nothing," I answer. "Just a nightmare." I glance at the clock. "I should get going anyways. Go back to sleep." I stand up, and transform my clothes back on, sending a shot of light through the room for a split second. Tired golden eyes blink up at me.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I lean over and place my lips on his and my hands on his chest. Keeping my lips pressed to his, I slowly push him down until he's lying flat on the bed and me on him. Only then do I release his lips. Putting my weight on my elbows and keeping the rest of my body flush against his, I study his eyes. He stares up at me. "I dreamed that we were dead, but we pretended that we still lived. We took everything that life gave us and never gave anything back. In the end, we were left with nothing." I peck him on the lips. "Go to sleep. I'll see you tomorrow night."

I jump out the window, his goodbye resting on the air behind me. "Be safe, Envy..."

(~*~*~*~)

I don't know how this started. All I know is that when I ran into him once, I just didn't want to fight him. After that I started watching (spying, stalking...) him. Then I started seeking him out. Somehow we ended up where we are now.

Keeping secrets.  
Well, more then the usual.

I didn't understand how this was possible, and I still don't. But I've decided to just accept it and go with it. I mean, I'm practically dead, why ask questions?

With all the time that I've spent with him, getting to know him, and comparing that to what I'm supposed to think of him... well, it makes me want to scream. One of these days I'm going to have to choose between the Homunculi and Ed, but I don't know who I'll choose.

But maybe we'll get lucky, and that day won't come for a long time.

(~*~*~*~)

I shoot up in bed, eyes wide and breathing heavily. Next to me, Ed shifts and sits up, rubbing at his eyes. "Another nightmare?"

I nod. "It was nothing. I should go. Go back to sleep." I move to get out of the bed and he grabs my wrist.

"Tell me about it," he says, gently pulling me back down onto the bed with him until we're lying down.

I sigh and lean my head on his chest. "They were destroying the city. My side versus your side. Someone came up to me and warned me that my side would win, and the world will go to hell. I scoffed and shoved him away, leaving him behind me, screaming that my soul will die." I sigh again. "It doesn't make sense, Edo."

He shifts so that his automail arm is free and gently rests his hand on my head. "If you look deeper, it will make sense."

I close my eyes and let myself drift back to sleep, ignoring the fact that the rest of the Homunculi will start to wonder where I am.

(~*~*~*~)

I pound on the door, my hair plastered to my face and shivering. The door opens and Ed stares out at me, shocked, for a moment before pulling me inside and straight into his bedroom. He sits me on the bed, wraps a blanket around me, and leaves the room. He comes back in a moment later with a towel that he wraps my hair in. He sits on the bed and leans back against the headboard before pulling me onto his lap.

"What's wrong, Envy?" he whispers.

I close my eyes tightly. "I can't do this anymore, Ed," I whisper back, my voice coming out strained.

"Can't do what?"

"All of this. I don't know who I am anymore."

"You're you. You're Envy."

"But I don't know what that means anymore." I suck in a shaky breath. "I've lived a long time, Ed. In all that time, I never really felt real. But when I'm with you, I feel so close. I've been walking through this life practically dead. But I feel alive with you." I gasp in a breath. "I have to choose a side."

"What are you going to choose?"

I stay silent for a moment. "If I choose them, I'll have to leave you. But if I choose you, I won't live."

We sit in silence.

"I wish I could be human, Ed."

(~*~*~*~)

I stare up at Ed from this pathetic form as I pull out my life force, sadness resonating in both of our eyes. I finally succeed, it snapping from the bondage that my body had it in. I crush it and fall to the side, feeling my life drain from me.

"Bye-bye... Edward... Elric..."

_I've been walking dead, watching you, long enough to know I can't go on..._

**Well wasn't that sad? Based on the song 'This Close' by Flyleaf.**


End file.
